Where is That Match?

Oh yes, it has been a little while.
Much has changed....

The last young man is long gone,
Not even in the same city anymore,
Out of site, out of mind.
And I realized that I have never been so not attracted to a man,
As I was this one.

On to another now,
Brown, Loc'd, Tall, Sturdy, Big hands
All that jazz
You know how I like 'em.

and Clever
Boy, is he clever.
Well not really, But he tries.

However, hanging with him,
and other deliciously black men I have noticed
one thing...
And I have one question.
Where the hell is that match?
Where is that fire?
That cool sexy fire, black men have been known for?

I have been surrounded with it my whole life.
My Grandpa, my Brother, my Older un-blood related brother.
They don't have to say much, they just sit there
And you know they are cool-headed, deep but dangerous.
They love their women with a quiet heat and force.
You can feel that strength...

Is it just my family? There is a shortage of these men where I am,
And I am now realizing, I need it. I crave it.
Or they're in hiding.

When I'm with Tall&brown, I feel the heat,
Heat that a fire snuffed has left.
But it's not all the way there.

How do you light it?
What do I do?
I have that fire in me, burning bright.
that quiet fire, even my mama noticed.
But I need that fire from outside too,
So it can grow.

So tell me,
Where is that damn match.

Wish me these men. Wish me something.

P.S
I noticed most of my post are about men.
I think its an addiction.

OH SHIZ. COnfusion

Weelll hello there.

IT IS MY SECOND FAVORITE MONTH.

NO-SHAVE NOVEMBER a.k.a NOVEMBEARD.

Now, on to new business.

I am in a pickle.

Well.

Not a pickle per se,

but i do have a lot of thinking to do.

There's a Man, and this Man likes me.

And I think he's really cute and funny

He has long hair and a beard. Actually its more like a Goatee...

Anyway, you know I'm a sucker for that.

However, i feel as thought I'm being way to picky about him.

He doesn't have a strong jawline, and that ALWAYS makes to go crazy nuts.

He doesn't "stimulate" my mind. I cant talk about old movies or books.

He's just not into it.

We don't have a problem talking,

but we fail to have stimulating, intelligent conversations.

Last night we talked about getting drunk.

Fun, but not the only thing on my mind.

Oh, yeah and his ex-girlfriends.

I pretty much know everything about his life.

And I'm okay with that, but I'm more of a private person

(said on an online blog...)

But i just don't feel that i can just tell him things.

Now don't get me wrong, he has his moments.

He's Very sensitive, and he's not ashamed to tell me about the times he has cried.

And he is a beautiful artist, and he is passionate.

But these moments are few and far between.

He's an open book... and that makes me stand off a little.

People say opposites attract, and i am attracted.

Its a weird feeling i have. And i don't know what to do.

Maybe i'll just go with the flow.

Guuh...

Wish me sane, wish me something.

P.S.

Funny story.

My first year of college, there was this guy that worked at a museum at my school.

He had dreads, and therefore automatically had my heart.

We was tall, he had a beard. He was gorgeous.

I love the Photography Museum, and i used to go all the time to look at the photos... and him

This year, there is this guy that has a class across the hall from my Japanese class.

He has crazy wavy hair, really tall. He wears glasses and he has a beard.

GORGEOUS. I find myself waiting for him to either be sitting outside, or walking to his class.

Yesterday i saw him outside the photography museum...

And then something clicked.

Its the same guy.

Funny how fate does things.

Hmmph.

Well.
Everything sucks at the moment.
Well not everything,
But the majority of MY life sucks.
A.K.A: my romantic life.

You ever wanted something so bad, you convinced yourself that you had it?
Yeah, i put myself in that situation recently with BC*.
Im an idiot, but luckily i didnt out myself.
I dont think i could have lived through that.

But i found throught my friend, that BC confided in him that,
He may have a crush on a girl that half italian, half asian.

I am niether of those.


And what sucks even more was that deep down i knew we werent really right for each other.
I liked him in theory:
The Gorgeous, broke musician who is also very strange.
But because i wanted that so bad, I didnt want to believe it.

The the Other annoying part
Was that I did what Bestie told my to do.
And put myself out there.
i didnt want to like him too much.
But she told me not to shut out, that was my problem.

And this is why i dont do it. I dont put myself out there.
Its lonely, but i dont constantly get shot down.

Well I'm off to class...and Mentally Sulking.

Wish me Love, Wish me something.

Lost in the blur of my thoughts.

What is it i want?
There's a boy, well a man.
(I cant seem to grasp the fact that I am no longer a girl, and they are no longer boys.)
He's so elusive, so mysterious.
I don't know, I want to know what he's thinking.
What he wants.
Is it me?
Is it just my company as a "friend"
Why does he avoid my looks,
But i can feel his eyes often.
Why does he comment on my daily ramblings?
Is his aim to confuse me?
Am I receiving the not so blaring signals correctly?
The blaring signals that the other cute man gives so sweetly.

What do you want?
What do I want?
What does he want?

Is it me?
Is it you, is it him?
Is it me?

Bleh. Confusion. Hormones. Ack.

Wish me something.

Let the Light Back into this Empty Room

I broke the rules.
I hooked up...
With someone I'm not supposed to...
But it was wonderful...

And whats more wonderful, is that he is not awkward around the office...
Whoops....

Well now that the beans are on the floor, he talks to me still.
He touches me a little more discreet but a bit more tender.
We know that no relationship will come of this
However, I think we enjoy the fact that no one suspects anything.
A quiet satisfaction that is exchanged through looks, sly smiles and hugs.
Hugs with expert hands, remembering what the opposite body liked.


I maybe making this a big deal,
but is not often that I'm knowingly wanted from across the room.
It's nice, and I'm savoring it.

Wish me sane, wish me something.
~AriVee*

P.S
I love the Noisettes.

Amadeus...sing your sweet melody.

WELL, its been a while. A long long while. And you know what? Thats ok, becasue loads of people have months in between their cyber mental breakdowns.

*Ahem* Anyway,

It's the summer, and I am working like a slave with two jobs, well I'm getting paid so not really like a slave, more like a paid slave...

Actually, lets just drop the slave metaphor...its not working.

I'm Working a lot. My first job is the Cutco cutlery...yes i sell knives. Honestly I LOVE MY JOB!! i get paid well to go to a clients house, and eat Panera. Awesome right? I know.

The next job is a paid internship at a *drumroll please* A FASHION BOUTIQUE!!
YES.
I am working under two in house designers making clothes. its LOADS OF FUN! and informative. great!


Other then that im doing alright, i hate boys....well a boy actually acouple of boys.......sheesh.
But thats another post

Till then, wish me sane, wish me something
Ari Vee*


P.S:
I am now OBSESSED Mozart, since I saw the movie starring Tom Hulce (the voice of Quasimodo in Disney s Hunchback of Notre Dame) AND IT WAS AMAZING. if you have not seen it get on that.

Working Girl...

No, not in the way your thinking.

I am now an employed pseudo-adult.
I have decided that I'm in that weird middle pat where your not really qualified as a teenager anymore because you can go to a federal prison, but not quite and adult because mommy is still paying for stuff.
I actually have two jobs, both in sales.
Knives and Clothes....
That's what I'm selling.
Making money this summer,
Gaining skills
All that jazz.
Should be fun.